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Sometimes the only solution is sleep
This is the kind of post that I want have on this blog; brutal, honest, and raw. These are my stream of consciousness thoughts after a bad day.
I was a crappy CEO today. I was a bad leader, ineffective at my job, and a jerk to those around me. I pride myself on being a great leader and a great boss. Today I failed. Why? It pretty much comes down to one thing: I was exhausted. I needed a break. So I finally left work at around 5:00pm, and I came home and slept until 9:00pm. I feel better. I'm more rational, and calmer.
So what happened? I'm a new dad, and while I love my little daughter, it's overwhelming to be a new dad. I don't have nearly enough time in the day anymore. It's not that it's particularly hard to be a dad -- it's just time-consuming. I used to be able to "catch-up" on work in the evenings and weekends. I don't have time to do that anymore. Yes, it's hard to be a CEO of a start-up and a new dad.
When I'm tired (exhausted), everything becomes overwhelming. Small tasks become big, and I become very inefficient. I spend just as much time thinking about how overwhelmed I feel as I do actually trying to accomplish tasks. I know that I'm being ineffective, but that doesn't make it easier. My inbox piles up, and my attitude stinks. That's how I feel when I am really tired.
As the CEO, I set the tone for the company. I try to do my best everyday, but sometimes I fail. Today was one of those days. Case in point: I had a meeting today about a difficult problem, and I was an asshole the entire meeting. Instead of taking a productive approach that could have led to progress, I spent the entire meeting being defensive and ineffective. To those of you in that meeting today, I'm sorry. You deserve better.
When I'm tired and burnt out, everyone in the office feels my stress. I'm aware of this, and I try to keep to myself. But that's not how people are used to seeing me act. I know I impact the tone in the office when I feel this way. To everyone in the office who felt the bad vibe today, I'm sorry. You deserve better.
If you're reading this and feel exhausted, do everyone around you a favor: go to sleep. Sometimes the only solution is sleep. And that's ok. I'm going to go to bed now so I really get refreshed. Tomorrow is a new day.
9:00 PM
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3 comments:
Matt, nice post. Congrats on being a new dad. I have to tell you that being a father is far more rewarding than any business experience I've ever had.
I don't know you except for reading your blog, so this is a general comment I'd make to anyone: please do yourself a favor and prioritize your family and time with your daughter. Leave work early enough every day to spend time with her and have a relationship with her. She needs you far more than Punchbowl does. Do it for her and for yourself.
Pete
Congratulations, new dad. Just on Friday I heard the same thing from my employees. No, not "Congratulations, new dad." But what you wrote. "Go to sleep!!!"
I appreciate your honesty and the truth of how much sleep is vital. I write this at 4:50am. I better get a bit of sleep before tomorrow. Working on several projects. I, too, have a 3 year old and 5 year old. I remember the early days, but it's still a challenge with a growing business.
I found your very cool software and would like to talk with you more about partnering with you. However, that is after we've both slept and had some coffee!
How's your wife holding up? She must be exhausted!
Matt,
Congrats on the addition to your family! I admit that I just now got around to reading this post from a few weeks back because I've been...well, busy. Your topic is timely as I've found myself working just about seven days a week lately- being at the office long hours, taking work home, staying up late to do it, and then getting up early to get back to the office... I think you know the drill. I know I haven't been the best manager/employee lately, so since I didn't bring home any work tonight (shocker!), I just might try to get some sleep. Thank you for the reminder! Good luck adapting to your new routine!
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